Check out my cookies!

Cookie decorating is not my best talent so fortunately it was for family crafts!

http://www.bhammag.com/dec_11_family.aspx

Mama & Me Christmas Party

This morning we had all of our Mama & Me friends over for a Christmas party. We had so much fun and were glad so many people could make it.



Mommy's friend had her eyes closed in this pic but it was too cute not to share.



The party decorations. . . . .






Kathryn was so excited to see her friends and about her "cupcake party".



Sweet friends. . . . .







After playing outside we headed in for some food and cupcakes.



This is what happens when you attempt to get 4 one year olds to pose for a pic.







I forgot to get a pic of the favors before they started being handed out.



Waving good-bye.



Kathryn resting after the party. She ends each party the same way, stuffing in salty carbs then laying down on the couch to watch cartoons.



Here's the pic from after her birthday party.



H stopped by after school to decorate a cupcake.

Helping Others

What a wonderful Living Social deal!! There is still 5 days left to purchase this, just click on the link below.

http://livingsocial.com/cities/1697/deals/175477

Trick or Treating

We had the best time trick or treating with Kathryn. Before we went we went over to a neighbor's house and all the kids played in the yard till it got dark. We live in the best neighborhood and have some many sweet neighbors. This picture below is 0f Kathryn hanging with the big girls. She loves them and they love Baby Kathryn (hence the blog's name).

Before we left she kept saying she was "going to get candy at people houses."



Our attempt at a group shot.



The group shot from last year. What a difference a year makes. Kathryn looks like such a baby!



Kathryn just couldn't believe she was getting candy from everyone.



As anyone who knows Kathryn knows she is not independent. I COULD NOT BELIEVE she was going up to houses and knocking on the doors all by herself. She was willing to do anything for candy.

So true but so hard. . . .

Another new post below.

Disney on Ice

I wrote this post on November 3 but apparently just pressed save and not publish.

This morning we took Kathryn to Disney on Ice as a belated birthday present. We had awesome seats (probably why our ticket total was $115?)! Kathryn was excited on the way but was in awe once she saw the characters. At the very end she leaned over to Robert and said "again!"



Kathryn would-not-look at the camera! She was just too excited!



I look a little overly excited. Ha!



This is during the Little Mermaid sequence. I started singing along (not too loudly) and Kathryn said "no, no Mommy. Don't sing." She is so bossy : )

Check out the adorable Cinderella bow Ma got her.



The look of genuine amazement. I believe this was during the Peter Pan sequence. She loved seeing Tinkerbell.



We stopped by Jimmy John's on the way home. Don't be fooled, that is just a plain baguette.



This afternoon we were playing with her wooden birthday cake set her friend Evey got her. We were singing 'Happy Birthday' together into the microphone. Then we started taking turns. Kathryn's version was "happy birthday to you, happy birthday Mommy." How precious?

You rest now little buddy

1998-October 18, 2011

At 2:30 on October 18 my life changed forever. It may sound dramatic to people who don't know me well but it's true. I loved my Spencie. Every day I feel like it's not really true, he has to be coming back to me. I know he's not but I just can't make myself believe it. I can still feel his coarse hair on my hand as if I just petted him. He was always so healthy and I think that is why it is so hard to come to terms with. But I also thank God that he was so healthy till the end. He was sick for 12 days before I had to say good-bye to my baby. The night before he was put to sleep he was able to come home. Asking the vet to let him spend the night at home was the best question I've ever asked. I slept on the floor next to him, holding him, knowing I wouldn't have much more time. I wanted to soak in every-single-detail of him. I pulled his hair back from his eyes and just stared into them. I wanted to memorize his face.

I truly believe that he held on to give me a little more time with him. I spent hours at the vet just holding him and crying and telling him I loved him and how wonderful he had been. After our night together he knew he had given me all he could. I held his face and told him I loved him. That he had been so wonderful. And that he could go now. By this time he was acting a little disoriented and breathing heavy. As much as I loved him I knew I had to give him one last gift of love and say good-bye. Earlier in the day I had been thinking to myself that God wouldn't let this happen on a rainy day that it just couldn't happen on a day like this. Less than an hour later I walked outside cradling my baby and the sun had come out and the sky had cleared a little. I have never had God speak so directly to me and I looked at Rob, as Spencer and I were lightly swinging on our porch, and told him it was time. Rob and I just looked at each other and cried.

I was told on the Saturday morning prior to all of this that he might not make it but of course I didn't believe it. Until the next day. At church our Associate Pastor did the sermon and it was if she was speaking directly to me and I cried during it. She said that she had a friend with cancer and every week for 2 years they got together and prayed. At one point the woman realizing the cancer wasnt going away and that the doctors had done all they could, told her friend (our pastor) to stop praying for her to be healed. Instead she asked her to thank God for all that He had given her in her life and to watch over and comfort her husband and young daughter. She said she had everything she ever wanted so how could she ask for more? At that moment I realized God was telling me Spencer wasn't going to make it through this. I wanted to beg him to make it not be true to please let me have more time. That I needed him. I loved him. I couldn't handle being separated from him. But i knew that wasnt what God wanted. I couldn't "change" God's mind as much as I wanted. I instead prayed the hardest prayer of my life so far. At times I only half meant it. I prayed "God, thank you for giving me Spencer. I love him but I know it is his time. Please take care of him for me. Please give me the strength to let him go." I no longer asked for healing but for both of us to be comforted.

Even thinking of Spencer brings tears to my eyes and physical pain to my heart. I still feel like I can't make it through this grief process but on some level I know I will. It scares me of losing someone else I love. For several days after I realized I had been distancing myself from Kathryn. I was fearful of losing her and couldn't handle the thought but I knew that wasn't really what I wanted. I want to enjoy every minute with her.

I still sob all the time and after we buried him on Wednesday I laid by his grave with my arm over the grave. It made me feel close to him and it was like we were laying there together.

This is seriously the most painful experience of my life. I thought of him as my buddy but he was

also my little baby. I talked to him like he was a person and I believe he understood. He didn't act like a dog at all. Our house feels so empty without him. He was always so loud in everything he did : ) I don't know if I'll ever be able to get another dog. I feel like I'd be "cheating" on him. Also I don't think I could love another dog now. All I want is Spence. I just want to hold him one more time but I know that wouldn't be enough.

I know nothing this side of heaven is forever but sometimes I wish they were. I know that my mind just can't understand that our earthly lives are so short compared with our Eternity with God. I know all this but it doesn't help the pain and my heart still aches. I wonder if this pain will ever go away.

We told Katgryn that Spencer went to live on a farm. That we would miss him but they needed him there. She occasionally says something about "Bencer" which just breaks my heart even though she is fine. A few nights ago she told Robert "'Bencer' is on the farm. They are happy to have him." Yes they are, baby. God welcomed him with open arms and he's playing with all the other animals that we and everyone else has had to say good-bye to.

I buried a note with my little baby:

Well done my little buddy. You rest now. I am so thankful you were mine and that we were able to spend these 10 1/2 years together. I remember the day we adopted you and how frail you were. We weren't looking for a dog but God obviously knew you belonged with us. Who would have guessed in the end I was the one that needed you?

Losing you is the worst pain I've ever felt but I pray to God to help me turn this pain into something pleasing to Him.

I know you are healthy and at peace now and I pray that you are happy. God loves all of His creatures so I know there is a special place for you.

I will spend the rest of my life thanking God for you. I commend you to God, knowing his way is best. God please watch over Spencer for me and wrap your arms around him.

"God will be with us to our journeys end and beyond. He will never leave us and in the end that is enough. What more could we really want?"

How is my baby 3?

Kathryn has had quite the birthday. It was spread over 2 weeks starting with her "friend party" on October 6. She has the cutest little bunch of friends!

Kathryn was getting all of her friends to drive her around in the car.



The bounce house was a hit!





I love this pic! The girls were waiting for cupcakes.





Kathryn loved everybody singing 'Happy Birthday' to her. Last night she got us to add a candle to her cupcake and sing 'Happy Birthday to you.'



Enjoying the cupcakes. I think only 1 or 2 of them actually ate the cake part. Most of them just licked the icing off!



This one is worth posting again! This is Kathryn after all her little friends left. She took full advantage of it being her birthday party day and Mommy let her get by with just about anything.



This is the way I set-up the table on Kathryn's actual birthday. It was priceless watching her come in to see the table when she got up that morning. She started dancing around and acting a little crazy!



Showing off her "baby sleeping beauty." You better not get the princess name wrong or you won't ever stop hearing about it (seriously!). Just remember I warned you.



After eating breakfast and watching some of her new 'Max and Ruby' DDD (Kathryn's version of DVD) we headed to the zoo with Daddy. Don't you love the sunglasses? And, of course, we had to bring baby Sleeping Beauty. And, of course, we had to dress like a Princess. This picture is SO Kathryn!



We never do the things at the zoo that cost money so today we rode the carousel and the train. Kathryn would wave and blow kisses each time she went around.



Kathryn thought this was hilarious! She told me she wanted to be a giraffe for Halloween.



After naptime we went over to our neighbors house and played outside. They have an awesome backyard with a huge swing set and a trampoline. While we played Daddy went and picked up California Pizza Kitchen. Kathryn loves all pizza but really loves pizza from there.

Kathryn had a wonderful day and we had fun spending the day as a family. I adore my little baby, I can't believe she's getting so big. Happy Birthday, Kathryn Grace!

I heart my [dog] baby

My little Spencer is quite sick and right now is 4 hours in to a 6 hour blood transfusion. I am devastated that I was told this morning that he might not make it and that even with the blood transfusion his body may not be able to keep up his red blood count. I looked through my pics and thought I'd post some of my Spencie. I love this dog and I pray that I will be granted more time with him and if I'm not I thank God that I had him as mine for these 10 1/2 years.

Crushing Snuggling with his brother.

Waiting on Kathryn to finish playing on the playground.



Waiting on mommy to get out of the shower. He follows me every step I take around the house. How cute is he??



Sleeping in a "safe corner."



It's difficult to see what is going on in this pic since all you can see is Spencer's beard. Sugar had the nerve to get in Spencer's "house" so Spencer decided to squeeze in with him.



Taking a nap in the office with Daddy.



This is what he also does when he gets in the car and Kathryn's not in the carseat. He's been doing this for at least 2 years.